Thursday, August 9, 2012

Change is in the Wind

Well, nothing super major is changing in our life, but things are changing.  After the rough couple weeks we had where it felt like we could barely talk, any change is welcome.  We are talking a bit more, fighting a bit less and generally moving forward again.  It's not always easy, but nothing ever is if it's worth it.

We had a nice talk the other night at dinner.  We discussed how many people we know who are divorced.  We talked about how easy it is to give up.  I told him how often I hear that I have given enough and that no one would blame me for leaving.  No, those people don't really know the depths of what is going on, nor that it's PTSD per se, but they know some of what we have been through.

The truth is, many people would have given up by now, military or not.  My husband was a Marine when I married him.  I knew the military would be in our marriage.  But not in the way most mean it. It's not just carting off at a moments notice and never being able to make plans, it's how my husband has no boundaries.  He doesn't know when to let his phone go to voice mail and when it's ok to answer.  It's a tough balance to find for some reason.

But I can't give up yet.  This is not an easy situation for either of us.  But my husband deserves to have a wife he can count on.  That doesn't mean there isn't a breaking point.  That doesn't mean I can do this forever, but as long as he continues working on things, I can be there for him.

It was a good talk.  He needs to know that I'm here.  He needs to know that I'm fighting for him.  He needs to know that I know it won't be easy, but I'm trying.  He needs to know that I know he's fighting and I appreciate that he is not giving up.  

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