Saturday, February 16, 2013

Let's Talk About Sex

Sex.  Now there's a loaded word.  The reason is muti-fold and it just gets all the more complicated when PTSD is involved.  Why?  Because sex means different things to both sexes.

You see, women have an emotional connection with sex and men tend not to.  Before you start telling me I'm accusing men of being robots, I'm not.  It's a biological thing.  Men do not tend to need an emotional connection with someone, nor does sex foster one for them.  But women tend to be wired the other way.  We do tend to need an emotional connection and sex tends to help foster one.  What does all that mean for couples where someone has PTSD?


Is that a thing?  Maybe not.  But it's what happens.

No one wants to talk about sex, but it's the reality of a marriage.  But it's also a reality that marriages afflicted with PTSD tend to have long periods of no sex intermixed with periods of normal amounts or even more often.  It doesn't make anyone broken.  If your spouse is a male, then he is just as likely to not be interested in sex as the wife who feels disconnected from him.  This is not scientific fact, this is my personal observation based on chats with others.

But regardless of how often you are being physically intimate with your spouse, it's ok.  It's ok if you haven't had sex in years and it's ok if sex is the only thing that seems to not be broken in your life.  Just like everything else, I've found there is no right or wrong way to be in this life.  But I have found that more admit there is not much sex in their life than those who feel they are doing alright in that department.

I have often been accused of (and I mean it in a nice way) talking about the things no one else wants to talk about.  And I've also been told that it's nice that I'm honest.  With all of that, I felt it was time I cover this topic.  I'll probably cover it again and again because so few talk about sex in a normal setting, let alone the topsy turvy life we lead.

Sex.  It's ok if you aren't in the mood.  And it's ok if he's not.  His lack of desire to be physically intimate with you is not a reflection on you, your attractiveness or even your relationship.  As my husband once said, "I couldn't have an affair, I barely have the energy to live the normal life I have." So, try not to feel too insecure if that department seems to be being neglected.  Chances are, he feels the disconnect just as strongly as you do.  And chances are, he isn't in the mood that often either.  And that's ok.  You will get there.  And it's ok if you reconnect and then disconnect again.  Just like the moods and the good times and bad, there is no definitely fix or time frame for things to get back to normal-ish.  And if that is the one thing you two don't have an issue with, then all the better. 


No comments:

You might also enjoy:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...