Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Scheduled/Mandatory Time Together

It's halfway thought August and there is not much going on in my life that is all that exciting.  I'm finding that the days blur together because I have been so busy.  But the changes we have made to our schedule seem to be helping.

It seems silly to schedule time with your spouse.  It seems silly to have a routine, but that's what we've created.  I didn't know what else to do.  It's forced time together, yes, but it's time.  It means that no matter what, we are locked into this routine.

We have a day to walk the dogs, we have a day to watch TV, a day to cook dinner and a day to eat dinner together.  Out side of the specified activities, we can do whatever we want to.  If we cook dinner together tonight, it doesn't mean we have to eat it together... But while we are spending our scheduled time, there is no phone, no TV (unless it's TV night) and no computers.

Scheduling time together felt strange at first, but it has allowed us to be sure we are spending time together that is undivided.  Mandatory sounds like we are in trouble, but there has to be a way to keep my husband active in our life.  So often, he jumps up and walks away while I'm talking to him, he ignores me, he answers his phone or text messages while I am trying to spend time with him.  He refused to look up from his laptop or away from the TV and as a result, he has further withdrawn from our life.

We are only on week two of my little experiment, but so far it seems to be working out well.

I am finding that once I can get him engaged, he will stay engaged when we have eliminated his ability to disengage through distractions.  We are spending time outside of the scheduled periods talking.  It may not hold, but for now, the schedule is working and the rules are working.

It's definitely challenging.  Sometimes I'm in the middle of something, sometimes he is, but we have to stop.  Sometimes I want to go to bed early, or watch something different on TV, but we are figuring it out.

I never thought I would have to schedule time with my own husband, but I guess the rules changed when our world changed and our circumstances changed.

We'll see how week three goes... 

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