Monday, March 4, 2013

You Don't Know Stubborn

You don't know stubborn until you've met a military spouse.  And even then, you haven't seen the most stubborn of them all until you have met the spouse of a wounded warrior.  We are a breed all our own.  We are a group that doesn't understand the meaning of giving up.  You don't know what stubborn is until you have faced a spouse of a service member with PTSD, TBI or any invisible wound.

I have days that I want to give up.  I have days where I don't know if I have the strength to keep going.  I have days where I am woefully aware that our journey will be a long one.  But I am still here.  No matter how hard it might be, I pick myself up and grab my husband by the hand and remind him that I am here.

Stubborn doesn't even begin to describe what I am. 

I will not give up on my husband, even when he has given up on himself.  I will remind him that life is never perfect and everyone faces struggles.  Sure, ours sometimes feel insurmountable, but no matter what is blocking our path, I will find a way to keep going. 

I don't know the meaning of give up.  I don't understand why people ask me why I don't leave.  Why would I?  Just because our struggles are tough and unique to us, we are still here and as long as I am breathing, I will fight for my husband.  I will push through our obstacles for him, I will shout his name into the dark so he can follow my voice to find peace again.  I will lay next to him in bed and kiss his forehead when he is having a restless sleep and I will lay in bed and wait, for however long it takes to feel that he is home.

I am still waiting for my husband to come home.  But I will wait indefinitely until he does.  Until his mind is ready to be here.  Until he has healed his wounds and faced his demons and walked back into our life ready to be a part of it. 

I will wait because stubborn doesn't even begin to describe what I am.  Steadfast, loyal, determined, none of those fully encompass what I am. 

You don't really know what stubborn is, until you've met a military spouse of a wounded warrior.  We don't know the meaning of give up.


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