I'm often reminded of the quote from Pride and Prejudice, "there are few people of whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well." It's not a great way to feel about the world, but every time I hear it, it rings in my ears.
I don't want you to be under the impression that I hate everyone, it's simply that one day, this young lady grew up.
As a younger version of myself, I was freshly optimistic about everyone and everything. Everyone got the benefit of the doubt and I rarely thought ill thoughts of anyone. You can call it naivety, but I simply call it a young heart full of hope for the world and the future.
But, like all young things, my heart grew up. It grew up under the tightest of clutches. I desperately clung to that youthful belief system and I wake up weary and sad that I am not that young, doe eyed girl anymore.
I still try to think the best of people. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but it's a funny thing, growing up. Your parents, who are the first people you ever truly know that well, and who spend much of your life shaping who you will become... Well, they become just ordinary people. Your mom doesn't have super powers, your dad isn't the strongest man you know. They are just people, doing the best they can. And because they are ordinary, they are just as flawed as anyone else.
It can be a tough realization for youthful hearts to see the world for what it is. We are all just ordinary people, trying to make the best of what we have, working to be the best we can be, and struggling against our flaws.
There are few people whom I really love, and even fewer of whom I have a good opinion... people are flawed and I have a very guarded heart. And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back to being that girl, that youthful heart so eager to love everyone and think nothing but wonderful things of them. But I have grow suspicious of anyone new, I have been hurt by the flaws of those I once thought infallible, and I have begun to see the world for what it is, full of ordinary people.
But I have seen ordinary people do extraordinary things and it gives me hope that this cynical and painful view of the world I have taken on will be proven to be wrong.