Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A Strange Journey

Whatever that funk I was in was, it seems to have lifted... Mostly because I looked back at the last few months worth of posts and had to admit that I have been a sad sap.  If you weren't depressed when you started to read, you probably are now.

But you know, it comes in waves, just like everything in this life.  We have waves of good and waves of bad, ups and downs.  And I have waves of strength and waves of sadness wash over my life.  It's to be expected.  This is a strange journey to be on.  Not strange because it's sad, overwhelming or heartbreaking, though it is all of those things.  The journey is strange because it's misunderstood.

How do you explain what it's like to wake up each day and have to try to re-learn who your husband is?  How do you tell people what it's like to have been married for as long as we have, yet you don't know each other at all?  It's strange to look into the mirror and realize that the person looking back at you is someone you never thought you'd be and that you are married to a man who looks a lot like someone you used to know.

Our journey has no set path, even though others have ventured forward before us.  It has no markers to tell us we are going the right direction and we often get lost in the fog.  My husband and I are not on the same page most of the time.  While he is angry, so am I, but not for the same reasons or at the same things.  As a result, it often feels like you are on different journeys, and maybe we are.  Different journeys both heading to the same place.

Like I said, strange.  But I suppose the point is that we are both heading towards the same end goal, even if we aren't necessarily doing it together every step of the way. And there seems to be so much of this journey that I can't help him with, so many times that he must go it alone or times that he wants to.

But I have made a resolution of sorts.  A resolution to stop being a sad sack of potatoes and keep moving on.  Not to say that I won't get sad and sullen and blog endlessly about it in the future, but for now, I am working on being positive and optimistic.  You're probably going to be seeing a lot of posts about strength.  But only because sometimes I have to have a mantra and writing about the strength I need helps me feel that I have it.

So here's to our strange journey and the strength we will need to moving forward. 


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