I think one of the most common things in life is to want to know that what you do in life matters. I'm sure it's one of those emotional crisis that we all face at some time or another and last night I found myself wondering just that.
How do you know if you are making a difference in this world, or in somebody's life? I sort of an oblivious person, so I imagine someone would have to drop something large and heavy on me for me to see it. But what am I really doing in this life that makes all that much of a difference? Probably not much to be honest.
It's a weird thought process to have. So many people reach out to me via this blog, I've done web video discussions, I've done a radio show and answered countless emails offering my understanding and support. But what am I really doing for any of those people? Not much. I suppose we all need to feel understood at times, but I'm not able to truly be there to support anyone in person. And goodness knows my husband doesn't always see any value in what I am doing to support him.
I have friends who work for amazing non-profits and I've been following the Milspouse of The Year voting process pretty closely. A gal who was nominated (but didn't advance) was someone who was trying to gain awareness for wounded warriors and I was really hoping she would win. But I look at her and these other amazing military spouses and then look at my life in a stark comparison of someone who is bettering the world and me. Just little ol' me.
I'm not founding non-profits, I'm not raising awareness, I'm not out there helping others. Heck, I can barely get out of bed and moving most mornings and I feel so overwhelmed with everyday life that I couldn't imagine trying to add anything on top of that. I just wish I knew that I had some purpose in this life that was more than sitting at home and fighting this private battle.
Sometimes I just wish I were doing something more. I just have no idea what that would be...