Overwhelmed

Everyone gets overwhelmed.  The fact is it's a fact of life.  There's not much you can do to prevent it from happening.  But in PTSD Land, it can be overwhelming all the time.  I still have not figured out how to prevent it because it always feels like I'm blindsided by it.  One day I wake up and BAM a pile of crap that I have to deal with and I just want to stop time for a bit.

I have been horribly overwhelmed and it's been 100% emotional.  My husband has been moody and I've hit a point where I just don't know what else I can do.  I feel like I have done everything possible for him.  I have changed careers, I have bent over backwards to accommodate him and have asked my different employers to do that too.  But nothing I do is ever right.  Even when it's something he asked of me. 

These past few weeks, I have watched him be angry at me for things that he initiated, asked for, or demanded.  I'm left feeling defeated and unsure of how to make it better.  I'm a failure not matter what I do to him.  It's a lose/lose situation for me. 

My mind has hazed over and I have started to feel apathetic towards things.  Not because I don't want to care, but because I have too many things to care about at once.  And the frustration and anger I feel towards the situation feels like it's always precariously under the surface and about to bust through at any moment.

I find it very hard to not tell my co-workers that their problems are petty, that their fights amongst themselves are stupid and that they don't know what real trouble is.  But I know it's not fair to feel that way.  I know I can't place my feelings and my situation on someone else.  I need to be sensitive, but I can't.  All I can feel is frustration and anger and a feeling of utter hopelessness that I'll ever be able to cope.

But I will survive this just as I have in the past.  I know it's temporary. I'll be ok.