Intangible

Do you ever have days where you just feel like something is missing? Something completely intangible is just not there, but you can’t put a finger of what it might be?

I tend to have this feeling when I’m really productive at home.  I’ll wake up and get moving right away and get a lot of stuff done and suddenly, I’m sitting on my couch unsure of what is missing from my life.

I’ve always had the vague feeling that my never ending To-do list, to which I add more things daily, is what gives me a sense of purpose.  Constantly feeling like I’m busy and have a million things to do seems to distract me from this odd feeling of intangible emptiness.

It’s possible I fill my days with miscellaneous tasks to keep from feeling lonely or sad, or it’s possible that I truly lack the ability to have time not filled with something (which is what my friends accuse me of).  Either way, when that To-Do list gets too short, I find myself sitting alone in my house wondering what this strange feeling is, and more importantly how to make it go away.

Usually, I just toss a few more random items on my list and find something to keep busy doing.

I wonder if I’ll ever really understand what this feeling is.