Monday, October 1, 2012

No One To Turn To

It’s always been an interesting phenomenon, the idea of no one to turn to.  It’s amazing how often we hear that from someone we love.  Someone we want to think would have wanted to trust in us.  But how often do you feel that yourself?

I feel alone all the time.  Right now in fact.  While basking in the glow of an amazing triumph in my life, I’m feeling very alone.  Alone because all those people who said they would be there, who never were, have suddenly come out of the woodwork.  Suddenly they want to talk to me and be there for me.  But where were they when I was trying to get to where I am at now? Your guess is as good as mine.

And now I find myself sitting here, alone, with a heavy heart.  In spite of this major triumph, I have a mind that is weighed down with thoughts of loneliness.  It’s the kind of loneliness I imagine success must usually bring.  Because while everyone wants to pat you on the back when you win, who is going to be there to hug you and offer a hand to pick you back up when you lose?

That is the spot I’m in.  Looking into the faces of those who have used me over the years as shoulder to cry one, a hand to hold, a friend to talk to, but who have all failed to be there when I needed those things.  People seem so quick to use up what you have to offer, and offer nothing in return.  And they are beyond quick to join in your limelight, to share in your glory, but want nothing to do with getting you there.

I’m feeling tired of having no one to turn to.  I have few people in my life that I would consider a true friend, let alone people I would actually trust to be there for me.  I have few people that I feel I can turn to when I need a shoulder to lean on.

When the world feels like it’s too much to bear, who is going to be the person to help you remember that you are not alone? I don’t know that I have anyone in my life that I truly feel that way about.

I guess that is really the definition of “no one to turn to.”


1 comment:

chambanachik said...

I'm always here, for what it's worth. <3

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