Friday, October 12, 2012


When things get particularly hard, I find that it becomes necessary for me to try to be thankful.

This is not the easiest task and with all that has been going on lately, it's become impossible to remind myself to do this on a regular basis.  But it's something that must be done.

So, in light of the apathy that is creeping into my feelings about my marriage, the stress I've been under, that pains in my soul and the general malaise that I've been feeling about everything, I think now is a good time to work on being thankful for the things that could have been.

I am thankful my husband came home in one physical piece.  Though at times it seems that his soul is fractured, his body is not.  We were lucky.

I am thankful that he has yet to act on his violent urges.  He has come close to hitting me a few times, but I have been able to prevent it and move out of harms ways, thus saving him from making that choice.

I am thankful that he is able to work.  Not all who suffer from PTSD are in a place that they can hold a job and my husband is managing to do that well.  This means that we are able to deal with the financial challenges slightly better.

I'm thankful that I have always been a very insular person.  I have never been much for needing to leave my house all the time and take quite well to solitude... Which is all my life is made up of lately.  Lucky for me, reading a good book, sewing, crafting, and other hobbies tend to do well to keep me busy.

I'm thankful on most days that no one in our life knows what is going on.  Though I would love to have someone to talk to on bad days, or even just be able to be honest with people in certain circumstances, I understand that stigma and know that it could make many things in our life very awkward.

And the big one... The one I try to remind myself of everyday, especially on the hard days:

I'm thankful he is alive.  Though there are times that I feel it would have been less painful to have lost him over there, I'm thankful he didn't.  Trading the one pain for the other is never a conflict I want someone to have to feel in their heart.  But I know that we are lucky he came home.

Today, I'm going to work on being thankful.

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